Reducing our burden on friends and family as we age
23 June 2023
All of us are getting older and at some point will be less able to take care of ourselves or will die. Often, it happens suddenly with no warning. As responsible and caring people, I suggest we plan for it, particularly starting at age 50.
In his Robot series, Isaac Asimov’s Spacers have robots to attend to their every need as they age. Until that happens, we have only friends and family. If we are lucky, they will help, but I suggest that we take steps now to reduce the burden we will impose on them.
Everyone’s situation is different, but I will describe what I am doing in the hope that it will be helpful to others. Whether living alone or with a significant other, caring for another human being is a big burden.
Simplify: Overall, this is my philosophy. I continue to do the things I enjoy but I try to continuously minimize the burden of taking care of so much stuff that actually has little value for me.
Where to live: I plan to move into some type of assisted living when I turn 80 years or so. I am sure I would prefer living in a house or condo, but this would impose more burdens on others: more bills to pay, more things to repair (heating, cooling, plumbing, electrical, roof, lawn and garden, appliances) and more “stuff” to manage or to ultimately dispose of. It takes many hours per week now to do these things - if we are unable physically or mentally to do this work, who will?
Accumulated stuff: Each week, I get rid of things that I have not used in years. This was hard at first, but realistically, if I haven’t touched it in 5 years, how important can it be, unless it is sentimental? I offer these items to my family, but typically they are not interested - they have enough of their own stuff and limited space. Other options are various charities, Trash Nothing, Arts & Scraps and offering items to friends and those who do occasional work for me.
Buying new things: I try to think twice about new purchases. Is this something I will actually use? Am I sure? Can I get it used somewhere? If I buy something, I mentally try to think of what I will get rid of so I am not adding to my total “stuff”.
Finances: All of us should have a will, trust or the equivalent if we have any assets of significance. Ask any possible attorney for a quote so you are not surprised. In Michigan, another option is a Statutory Will. We should also provide information to family members (see here for an example ) so they don’t have to scramble to determine if we have life insurance, where our accounts are, etc. We should review these papers annually and make sure the right people know where this information is stored. We should also consider whether to dispose of any assets that would be difficult for others to sell, such as some stocks, real estate or limited partnerships. I have seen friends struggle to dispose of these items from their parents and wonder why they were kept at all.
Electronics: We should provide a list of important passwords for our cell phones, computers and accounts.
I feel better knowing that I am simplifying my life, both for me and others who I will necessarily “burden” as I age.
What do you plan to do?
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