Why are you so angry?
3 January 2026
I installed the free “We Croak” app, which pops up five times a day with the message, “Don’t forget, you are going to die,” followed by a quote about life or death. It’s based on a Bhutanese saying that to be happy, one must think about death five times daily. None of us knows how long we have to live - it could be 50 years or just a few days. I try to use these reminders to reflect on my life and whether this is how I want to spend my time.
I write extensively online about cancer, healthcare and politics. I’ve noticed that many people online, especially on Nextdoor and social media, appear to be very angry. Why are you so angry? Of course, it’s your life and you can feel whatever you want. But do you really want to spend your remaining days being angry? Perhaps you feel you have no choice.
As I wrote previously, anger can stem from “hidden programming”—subconscious patterns formed early in life. In The Drama of the Gifted Child Dr. Alice Miller explains that infants and toddlers may change their personalities to please their parents. These adaptations can persist into adulthood, often unnoticed, influencing behavior and emotions.
When I was very young, I believed I shouldn’t speak at home unless I was asked a direct question. I tried to keep the peace, let others have their way and avoid conflict. My default phrase was “whatever you want”. It wasn’t until five years ago, with the help of a therapist, that I recognized these subconscious beliefs. Letting them go made me more confident, assertive and happier and my anger disappeared.
You too may have hidden programming shaping your anger, making it harder to live the life you want. Because it’s subconscious, it can be difficult to understand and even harder to change.
It’s a new year - will you decide to work on lessening your anger?
My political blog focuses on what you can or should do to make the world a better place and yourself a better person. I have another blog on Cancer and Medicine.
I read all your comments (except hate speech) and try to respond briefly, although I can’t keep up a long conversation.
The index to my political essays since 5 November 2024 is here.
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Powerful framing on how "hidden programming" locks us into reactive patterns. The observation about adapting personality to please parents early on then living with those patterns unconsciously is spot-on. What's intresting is how anger often feels justified in the moment, which makes it even harder to recognize as a pattern rather than a reasonable response. I've noticed similar stuff where what feels like reacting to external events is really just old wiring kicking in automaticlly.